High School Football: The Gridiron Grump goes ham over turkeys
Gobbler's Lament – Toledo and Wahkiakum biding time until kickoff; plus Naselle’s fare thee well
Gridiron Grump special to Blast Zone Media / blastzonenews@gmail.com
Prep Football / Grumblings
I’ve had plenty of time to lounge around and gestate in recent days thanks to our national recess from reality otherwise known as Thanksgiving. And you’re not going to believe this but the more I sit and ponder, especially on a full stomach that was not assisted by half-priced concession stand grub, the more my mind comes into focus and the more the things that make me grumpy begin to crystalize like drippings at the bottom of the bird baking pan.
Speaking of the bottom of the pan, it makes me grumpy when people make their gravy without putting the turkey neck and assorted innards to work. Heck, most of you still get your turkeys in shrink-wrap sack at the store and all those goodies have been pre-plucked and pre-scooped with their giblets and other assorted delicacies placed in a bag and jammed up inside your delicious dead bird for ease of access. It’s honestly an insult to the ghost of John Madden to do anything but savor every single morsel of these great gobblers.
Turkeys – they’re just like the rich; The president can’t pardon them all, so it’s our duty to eat them.
You know what else makes me grumpy? True home games for the State semifinals. What in the wide world of Tom Foolery are we doing here WIAA? It’s the penultimate round of the playoffs and we’ve got teams playing in the same stadiums where they kicked off the season and later hosted their homecomings.
For instance, today you’ll have Tumwater hosting East Valley (Spokane) at Tumwater Stadium, where the Red Devils will have to walk through the T-Birds wall of fame and past their absurd collection of State trophies. And since Okanogan threw a tissy-fit about being asked to play in Kelso at Laulainen Stadium, you can watch undefeated Toledo “host” the Bulldogs in Tumwater at noon as the undercard to the day’s doubleheader.
Meanwhile, undefeated Wahkiakum had to trek all the way across the mountains and then some in order to play Liberty Christian in Richland. Yes, that counts as a home game for the Patriots who have a loss on their record while the unblemished Mules are forced to fend for themselves out on the road on enemy turf for the biggest game the program’s played in more than two decades.
I will say that the WIAA has done a fine job upgrading the final site to Husky Stadium, but the semifinals could use a little more pomp and circumstance – or at least a true neutral site for ever team (and its fans!) that have managed to make it this far. However, if you’re just a fan of Southwest Washington football in general, no matter the colors on the helmet, be sure to stick around after the Wahkiakum game to watch No. 7 Adna take on No. 3 Tri-Cities Prep in the 2B semifinals at Fran Rish Stadium.
It may surprise you to learn that, unlike my penchant for counterfeit goods and false promises, I do love me some real cranberries. Maybe that’s from my bygone days hitchhiking off the Long Beach Peninsula after the ol’ Winnebago broke down more than a few years ago. The only thing that liked those sour crimson pods more than me were the spiders swimming in the flooded bog on harvest day and the black bears that would bumble into the bog in the days before the great gathering began. But as juicy as a fresh cooked bowl of cranberries can be, I still feel better when there’s at least one jiggling saucer of gelatinous pink goo that still wears the curves of the can on its sleeve.
I’ve got to be honest with you again, and you know I loathe to do that , but I don’t like coaches who angrily toss around the names of other coaches (who aren’t even present!) in order to insult the coach standing directly in front of them. I could be more specific, but I won’t. If you were anywhere within shouting distance of the near sideline at Laulainen Stadium last Saturday night then you probably already know. But let me just put it to you like this – let he who has not allowed his big dogs to have seconds under the table cast the first stone. They say history is written by the victors, but I can tell you for a fact that losers have a much longer memory.
Speaking of which, I don’t like politics at the dinner table – unless they’re my own. In which case, they just make me grumpy, which of course is actually my happy place. And I don’t approve of post-meal naps on the couch at somebody else’s abode unless it’s me doing the napping. Otherwise, quit all your snoring and move over so The Grump can elbow in and get to the real work of dissecting each NFL moment that’s broadcast across the airwaves and into your homes each holiday.
Which reminds me – back in my day it seemed the Cowboys were always beating the Washington REDACTEDS on Thanksgiving Day. But these days the REDACTEDS don’t even exist, let alone have a seat at the table. I won’t tell you how I feel about the new world, or the new world order in general, but I’ll let you guess how the entire town of Toledo feels about it.
I don’t know how Naselle feels about much, but I do know the Comets were a blast to watch this season and it made me sad to say goodbye last week. Coach McNulty’s crew played Almira-Coulee-Hartline in the quarterfinals last week for their sixth matchup since 2016. After a season-ending loss the Comets’ record in those contests now stands at just 2-4, with wins in 2019 (70-44) and 2022 (64-6). I’m not grumpy that the Comets have burned out, but it does make me my eyes water a bit that there will be one less local shooting star to twinkle in the crisp late autumn skies this week. Naselle fans can take solace knowing that the only two teams to beat their Comets this season could feasibly meet up in the State title game. But considering one of those teams is their archival from Wahkiakum on the other side of Km Mountain, that’s probably like water on the deep fried turkey grease fire — it only makes things worse.
In closing, it makes me grumpy when folks don’t even know about Alice’s Restaurant, let along understand its true significance. Not only is Alro Guthrie’s great ramble the greatest Thanksgiving Day soundtrack this side of the NFL intro theme song, it is perhaps the most important protest song of our time. No, it’s not about Alice… or her restaurant. So if you see me down at the end of the Group W bench someday soon, just remember that if they come for me in the night they’ll be back to take you away in the morning. But if we all stand up and sing at the top of our lungs, they just might think it’s a movement.
And while I’m thinking about it, it makes me grumpy that the dump is closed on Thanksgiving.
Now let me put aside these rakes and shovels and other implements of destruction so we can get on with prognosticating for Week 13.
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